no cool poem today. I'm trying to come up with a good one and can't get the right inspiration and I really want to write one good one for the lit mag at our school.....gah! Anyone have any suggestions?

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

Well, I played in my first and probably last game of the season. Actually, played is an overstatement. I sat on a cold metal bench and yelled myself hoarse while the 'better players' played the entire game. We lost 8-3. The ref (who happens to be a spouse here on campus) was insane and called everything against us but ignored the other team hitting us in the face with the stick. Here's two poems to sum up how I feel right now.

Her voice washes over the racing players
Her cheers spurring them on
She calls their plays
Calls their positions
She is a part of the team
And her feet never touch the field.


"You've got your Dad's athletic ability,
and you're Mom's motivation."
So they told me.
And I have been a part of few teams,
lost interest in sports
as my body loses energy and
grows lethargic I can't
help but wonder if I would be
sitting here
on this cold
metal
old
rusty
freaking
bench if I had just
kept playing every
sport that I could.
Probably not.
So now I reap the sour field I sow.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

I took another quiz, and apparently I am the season winter. It actually made sense, especially since my next closest season was fall, which I relate to. Hm...

You are WINTER. You're more introspective, thinking deeply, feeling deeply. You love nothing better than to enjoy one on one time with those who are important to you. You are cautious, and sometimes second guess yourself. Dreams, though you have them, are a luxury, because life is not a plaything. Winter 90% Fall 85% Summer 60% Spring 50% What Season Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

poem will follow, however, I took the quiz that Sharky took and got:



You have earned the Purple Lightsaber. You have
gained a high positon on the Jedi councel, and
others look up to you. You are well skilled in
the ways of the Jedi, and the force is very
strong with you.

Which Star Wars Lightsaber Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

funfun - I have absolutely no idea what it means. huh, oh well.

I was walking to and from the Gymkhana field today because my horse is lame! Gah! But hopefully he'll be ok for the gymkhana Wednesday. Anyways, I was looking at the trees and I found it interesting that I could actually see better in the flat light than when it's sunny. It struck me as ironic seeing as we connect the sun to knowledge and happiness yet I could see better in the flat light - not bright nor dark just gray. Hm....
trying to incorporate that into a story/poem.

It shines brightly
warming my aching back
and drying my boots
wet from crossing that tiny stream.
The leaves are glimmering and the
bark is sparkling as
water droplets catch this
heavenly light.
I close my eyes to the
sharp prickles its rays send
and feel my face
burning red hot.

The light gray sky
embraces me,
calling for my presence
in its vast expansive atmosphere.
I open my eyes and
see bright green leaves
dark brown trunks
small pebbles in the road.
My shoes are wet and
ease my swollen feet
as my face is cooled by
the slight breeze that carries me home.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

Well, I'm back. Our school had this 5-day camping trip, and I went on this horse-camping trip with 4 sophomores, 1 junior, and 2 seniors. Fun and all, but I am so glad to be back. I have this reeeally bad sinus headache because of the change in weather. It rained the last night so we had to sleep in an empty stall, but 4 of us slept in the car. Someone snored loudly all night, so I got all of 2 hours sleep. Tired, sick, stressed out, joy. Will post cool poem tomorrow.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

You have torn your way into my life
Spiked yourself deep in my heart
and now
now
I've plucked you from my poor abused muscle like you never were there
I had help -
My two friends
held me down
giving me courage to yank that
little, insignificant splinter out.
So now you're out of my life
and good riddance -
I'm done with you
forever.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

wow, just realized how morbid and dark I got last night. Um, well, I just found out that my ex now likes one of my friends, and my two other friends either have a boyfriend or will soon (or so we hope - it's obvious they both like each other). Third-wheel syndrome here. I'm better now - I cried over him for the first time, and it's been 6 months now. I still don't know what I'd do if he askes her out though. For the two friends who caught me as I fell, thank you so much. Here you guys have such positive things to look forward to, and you let it wait for a little while more as you pull me through - you're awesome. This one's for you.

Salty rivers part my broken face and you
just gather up the pieces
putting them back together better than
I'd ever done in the past and it's
you two,
the best friends anyone can ever ask for
that are cussing him and everyone else out and you're
holding me so tight that breath
is no longer an option
because you've become my oxygen and
you two
are the only ones to see me in my moments of weakness and it was you
who grabbed the knife before I could open it and
you two
just sat there as I tried to do anything I could to just
deal
and it was
you two
who kept my heart beating as I
screamed in a vacuum for
the love I never had but it was
you two
who gave me that love I had always craved.
So thanks for the sun,
thanks for the howling moon and the stars
are so beautiful this time of night and
thanks for the hugs and the
words that entered my subconscious even though my ears couldn't hear them and
thanks for just being you two
my sun and moon
my pillars
my best friends.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

I Am
I am lazy
Ask me to run a mile, I'll run a millimeter under it
And smile prettily.
I am indecisive
I listen to others' opinions
And echo them softly to thunderstorms.
I am clingy
Constantly trying to find someone I know
So that I won't have to be bold and take initiative.
I am average
Nothing interesting in this body
Nothing brilliant in this mind.
I am lonely
And won't do a damn thing about it
Because I've assured myself that no one will understand.
I am layered
No two people see the same me
A prism of twists.
I am kind
I listen when people talk
And take the time to hear them.
I am smart
Absorbing like a sponge
Everything that’s thrown at me.
I am strong
Nudge and I'll move,
Shove and you hit a brick wall.
I am real
So deal with it
Because that’s what I do every day.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

you just had to do it, didn't you?
had to remind me of that little detail as you
fucking threw me away like
a sooty rag doll
scarred by the fire of
your fucking love or what i thought
was your love and your best friend's
going steady with mine and the other's
got one coming and your
going after my last friend unaffected by this
fucking
bug that catches all
and leaves you to
moan over your
fucking
pains.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

She smiles and he grins,
Wrapping dusty hands round her
tiny waist and she just laughes as he
tries to impress
her and I'm standing in the
dark aiming the spotlight in their general
direction and I'm
staring through plexiglass
helplessly banging and screaming and crying
as they fall in love.


And why am I so damn
protective of them
anyways?
But subconsciously I already know that I'm
just trying to protect her from the fall
that only I can see and I
am running to get under her
to catch her when she falls.


Honestly, I hope that they keep me
waiting forever
alone in a plain of dust and
tears as their smiles are worn by little children with
blonde curly hair and big blue eyes.
I can see them as easily as the other ones I'd imagined -
the ones with brown wavy hair, tall, with green-gray-hazel eyes.
But they'll never exist,
never know life as someone
murdered them cooly in the
little free time I wasted on hope.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

5000-Piece Puzzle
If you were to open the neatly tucked away folder
hiden within folders of silly innocent stories
of childhood dreams,
you would call me depressed
and call the psychologists and the ambulence and the doctors
and get me into those straightjackets right away.
If you were to look into my computer
in the folder "abandoned stories"
and read the documents in there,
you would call me childish, innocent
and coo and exclaim how cute my stories are.
If you were to find the fanfictions that I have written
filed away in neat little folders,
and read the stories within,
you would call me perverted,
and avoid me at all costs.
If you were to inquire at the "Y",
about the girl who played on one of the all-girls basketball teams,
you would call me athletic,
and send me out to the playing field.
If you were to talk to my parents' friends,
asking about their only child,
they would tell you that I'm "mature for my age",
and eagerly speak of the interesting conversations I've had with them.
If you were to go to my teachers,
they'd tell you that I am a "wonderful student to have in the classroom",
most would say that I am very smart,
and you would call me intelligent, and a team player.
If you were to open up my head,
and reveal my mind to the world
you would call me
complicated
clashing
a collage
and you would see that I am a
5000-piece puzzle
with only 10 pieces connected.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

Completely bombed a math test, had to get an extention for my essay, have to deal with ex every night, "friend" decided that I am her diary now, getting back into depressive moods after I thought that I'd gotten rid of that 3 years ago, basically life's hell right now.

Darkness Falls
I sit on my bed as the knife skids on my
goose-bumped flesh
my arm swollen with anticipation
of the next action.
Either I am too cowardly or too smart
'cause just like everytime before
I push the switchblade back into its cover
using my wrist as a brace.
It feels cold on my suntanned skin and I wonder
wonder just how it would feel if just once
just one time
I flipped it over and made the cut.
But I can't deal with something that permanent.
I can't keep telling myself that this black hole won't stay forever
but as
darkness falls
light and reason can seem a thousand lightyears away.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

I am so stressed out right now, it is not even funny.

Extremes:
Take me to the infirmary now,
My head is spinning, I can't see,
My stomach clenching, I can't breathe,
My arms are shaking, I can't hold on much longer.
Momma don't let me fall,
You said you'd be there for me always
But I guess right now isn't the right time for tears.
Someone please stop turning the bed over,
I'm inching out, clinging,
fighting to stay on.
And oh but why can't someone just
stop
and look at me, dammit look!
I've held all of you up when you were weak,
listened as you talked my ear off through your tears,
hugged you all when no one else would touch you.
Thanks for reciprocating
so well,
thanks for actually giving a damn
to my feelings.
Momma don't let me fall -
where are you -
My head is spinning and I can't
hold on
any
longer

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~