heh, i guess i got a little carried away with that poem. It's scary, though, when you're old friends pull a 180 on you and become the most different people alive. Or maybe it's me realizing I was never and could never be that dark and edgy and distant. Let's just say that my old friends may not be the healthiest for me at the moment. And if you consider yourself an "old friend", don't take this personally 'cause I'm aiming this at three or five people and probably not you. Anyways, it's just freaking weird to see someone I used to call my rolemodel popping pills in front of me in broad daylight - I'm not so stupid or innocent that I don't what what it is....

Worse, my internet has been going insane on me and I haven't been able to IM or e-mail my best friends in a while and I have problems with calling people (seriously, if I have asked people to hang up and e-mail/IM me instead of calling me), so I've sort of been cut off from the people I really need. But, lucky me, my future roommate will be staying with my family and we're meeting up with my other best friend who lives in the city. YAY!

I'm working at this little kid camp (that happens to be hosted by my old school, yay *sarcasm*) and I met this really sweet guy who name happens to be one that my parents almost used to name me and is the cross-street of the physical therapy place I go to (will explain that in a minute), so it's a little hard to forget about him, especially since I was too shy to ask for his e-mail. Oh well.

So, in late January I fell off of my horse jumping and was sent to the ER in an ambulence. I figured that the lingering hip pain (I got a contusion in my left hip nerve) was normal, and thus ignored it. Not so. After I had major pain from sitting on the couch at home, my mom took me to an orthopedist (sp?) and we figured out that I have bursitis in my left hip (basically a pocket of something on my left hip is irritated and inflamed). I have to go to a physical therapist for it, and he found that I have something bad going on with my back, too. My hip is getting stronger (and my abs are too!), but my back is just hurting more and more, and the p.t. doesn't think that I'll be ready to play in the laX camp I was signed up for. I can't ride horses, I can't go river rafting, I can't sit on the ground or on a sofa and I must keep my abs tight and my back straight when sitting at all times. I am constantly in pain. *deep breath* whew, needed to get that out.

A chocolate chunk cookie to whoever actually read this all the way through, and sorry I haven't updated in so long

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~

I guess I can understand why you did it
Why you threw the biggest tantrum of your life and
Scared your innocent friends and your broken self
And you'd like to think that
wouldn't you
Like to think that you are broken
Lost
Hopeless
Special
But you're just another face in this selfish crowd
and just because your old
Confidant is plummeting in an abyss miles away
and your old friends
are so dark and edgy and cold
and your new friends are so young and actually
listen to you
doesn't make you screwed up
like you want it too
and one day you'll shatter into a
hundred thousand tiny shards of crystal
and I'll take the seven years of bad luck to see
you cry as you get your stupid wish
and break
break
break
but I'll be left standing
in front of a shallow reflection
of my faults.

~*~*~*~ the amethyst has risen ~*~*~*~